management

7 Coaching Questions to Unlock Excellence

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

Seven powerful coaching questions to unlock excellence. Let’s discuss. This isn’t just about managing people; it’s about a skill crucial for leadership and personal growth. It’s a skill you and I both need.

In a discussion today with a colleague, I revisited a book that profoundly shifted my perspective on leadership and development: “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier. It’s not just a good read; it’s a foundational text that unveils the simplicity and profound impact of effective questioning. Michael lays out a framework of seven deceptively simple yet powerful questions. What struck me, and what I believe is a core truth for all leaders, is this: Everyone is a coach.

Whether you lead a large organization, mentor a small team, or simply aim to guide a friend through a tough spot, the essence of coaching is invaluable. It’s about empowering others to find their own solutions, fostering autonomy and resilience. So, let’s dive into Michael’s framework, a practical guide for unlocking potential in yourself and those around you.

The Seven Essential Coaching Questions

1. “What’s on your mind?”

This is your Kickstart Question. It’s designed to bypass superficial pleasantries and dive straight into what truly occupies someone’s attention. It’s an invitation to share what’s exciting them, causing anxiety, or consuming their focus. As leaders, moving beyond small talk directly signals that you value their time and their most pressing concerns.

2. “And what else?”

Don’t underestimate the power of this Awe Question. Its simplicity belies its critical role. It serves two vital purposes:

  • It pushes past the initial, often superficial, response to uncover what’s genuinely at stake.
  • It prevents us from jumping prematurely into problem-solving mode, keeping the conversation in a crucial discovery phase.

The first thought shared is rarely the most significant. This question acts as a continuous probe, digging deeper to reveal the true underlying issues.

3. “What’s the real challenge here for you?”

This is the Focus Question, and it’s transformative. The emphasis on “real challenge” ensures we address the core issue, not just a symptom. The addition of “for you” brings the focus directly back to the individual. As a leader, you can only coach the person in front of you. This question helps them internalize the problem, preventing them from externalizing blame and encouraging personal accountability.

4. “What do you want?”

The Foundation Question clarifies the desired outcome. Asking “what do you want?” is an act of empowerment, creating psychological safety and granting autonomy. It also marks a critical pivot from reflection to action. Effective coaching facilitates progress, and clear desired outcomes are the first step toward achieving them.

5. “How can I help?”

I refer to this as the Lazy Question, but it’s anything but passive. It’s a strategic move for two key reasons:

  • It places ownership on the other person for the next steps, fostering self-reliance.
  • It prevents you from assuming you know the best course of action.

Just as “and what else?” curbs premature advice, “how can I help?” stops us from jumping into action before the true request is clear. Once a request is made, your response options are clear: “Yes,” “No,” “Perhaps, but differently,” or “Let me consider that.” The goal is clarity, not automatic obligation.

6. “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”

This is the Strategic Question, crucial for fostering focus and prioritization. Resources—time, attention, energy—are finite. Every “yes” inherently requires a “no.” This question forces a commitment, not just to what they will do, but to what they will not.

Consider both the “no of omission” (options automatically excluded by a choice) and the “no of commission” (what must be actively set aside—be it projects, habits, or old beliefs—to fully commit to the “yes”). A true “yes” demands the clarity of boundaries.

7. “What was most useful for you?”

Finally, the Learning Question. Genuine learning doesn’t happen just by doing or telling; it’s solidified through recall and reflection. Asking this question at the close of a coaching conversation creates a vital learning moment, reinforcing key insights and embedding “aha” moments. Leaders must create space for this reflection to ensure that learning sticks and translates into lasting change.

Embracing the Coaching Mindset

This framework offers a powerful sequence, though its application isn’t rigid. You might not use all questions, or perhaps not in this exact order. The underlying principle, however, is constant: the best way to help someone develop is by asking questions and empowering them to discover their own answers. This counter-intuitive approach—resisting the urge to advise—is the hallmark of truly impactful leadership.

Put these questions into practice this week. Observe the shifts, both in others and in yourself.

What profound questions have shaped your approach to leadership and coaching? I’d love to hear your insights.

Join the Leadership | Learning | Innovation conversation at sashaphilosophy.com.

Create a “Toward State” with Others

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

Leading with SCARF: Cultivating Psychological Safety in the Workplace

We all crave connection, recognition, and a sense of control. These aren’t just nice-to-haves; they are fundamental human needs that significantly impact our well-being and performance, especially in the workplace. Dr. David Rock’s SCARF model brilliantly encapsulates these social drivers, highlighting five key domains that influence our behavior and motivation: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness. When we question these five domains, we move to an Away State. When we have confidence in our Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness, we move to a Toward State.

Understanding and applying the SCARF model is not just good management practice; it’s a cornerstone of building psychological safety within teams and organizations. Psychological safety, the feeling of being able to speak up with ideas, questions, concerns, or even mistakes without fear of negative consequences, is crucial for fostering innovation, collaboration, and overall well-being.

Meet “Tox” – The Manager Who Created an Away State

Let’s see how SCARF can play out in the workplace. Meet “Tox,” a leader who wants to be seen as effective and inspiring, but unfortunately has a skewed perception of his helpfulness.

Imagine a project deadline looming. The team, already stretched thin, was working hard. Instead of offering support or clarity, Tox would frequently:

  • Threaten Status (in Tox’s mind: “Driving High Standards”): Tox would publicly point out errors in team meetings, believing he was “raising the bar” and ensuring quality. In his mind, saying things like, “Honestly, I expected better from someone at your level, we can’t afford mistakes like this,” was about pushing people to perform. He might have thought he was being direct and holding people accountable.
  • Undermine Certainty (in Tox’s mind: “Being Agile and Responsive”): Tox would change priorities and project scopes frequently, seeing it as being “flexible” and “responsive to the market.” In his view, sticking rigidly to a plan was a sign of being out of touch. Phrases like, “We need to pivot quickly to stay ahead,” were uttered with a sense of strategic urgency, even if it left the team feeling directionless.
  • Stifle Autonomy (in Tox’s mind: “Ensuring Quality and Efficiency”): Tox’s micromanagement stemmed from a belief that he knew the “best” way to do everything and that his oversight was crucial for preventing errors and maximizing efficiency. When rewriting work or dictating every step, he likely thought, “I’m just making sure this is done right and on time. I have the experience to guide them.”
  • Damage Relatedness (in Tox’s mind: “Fostering Competition and Meritocracy”): Tox’s tendency to play favorites and create a competitive atmosphere was likely seen as a way to “motivate” the team and reward high performers. He might have believed that a little internal competition would push everyone to excel, failing to see the resulting isolation and distrust. Comments like, “We need to see who the real performers are,” might have been intended to spark rivalry.
  • Act Unfairly (in Tox’s mind: “Recognizing Talent and Potential”): Tox’s arbitrary performance evaluations and rewards were likely justified in his mind as recognizing “talent” or “potential” that others might not see. He might have believed he had a unique insight into who was truly valuable, even if his criteria were opaque and inconsistent. Overlooking consistent performers might have been rationalized as those individuals “just doing their job.”

From Tox’s perspective, his actions weren’t meant to be harmful. He likely believed he was:

  • Demanding but fair.
  • Adaptable and strategic.
  • Providing necessary guidance.
  • Motivating and results-oriented.
  • Discerning and insightful in recognizing talent.

The tragedy of toxic leadership is often this disconnect between intent and impact. Tox’s behaviors, though perceived as helpful or effective in his own mind, still created a climate of fear, uncertainty, and resentment, directly undermining psychological safety and hindering the team’s ability to thrive. This highlights the critical need for self-awareness and the ability for leaders to understand how their actions are actually being received by their team, rather than relying on their own potentially distorted perception.

Tox needs help!

So, how might Tox leverage the SCARF model to create a psychologically safe environment? Let’s explore each domain:

1. Status: The Need to Feel Valued and Respected

  • The Threat: When individuals feel overlooked, criticized publicly, or their contributions are devalued, their sense of status is threatened. This can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, and decreased engagement.
  • The Opportunity for Leaders: Leaders can enhance status by:
    • Recognizing and celebrating achievements: Acknowledge individual and team successes, highlighting specific contributions.
    • Providing constructive feedback thoughtfully: Focus on the work, not the person, and frame feedback as an opportunity for growth.
    • Actively listening to and valuing diverse perspectives: Ensure everyone feels their opinions are heard and considered.
    • Creating opportunities for growth and development: Investing in employees’ skills and career progression signals their value to the organization.

2. Certainty: The Desire for Predictability and Clarity

  • The Threat: Ambiguity, constant change without explanation, and a lack of clear expectations can trigger anxiety and a feeling of instability.
  • The Opportunity for Leaders: Leaders can foster certainty by:
    • Communicating clearly and transparently: Provide regular updates on organizational changes, goals, and expectations.
    • Establishing clear processes and guidelines: Predictable systems help individuals understand how things work and what is expected of them.
    • Providing context and rationale for decisions: Explaining the “why” behind changes helps people feel more informed and in control.
    • Being consistent in their actions and communication: Reliability builds trust and a sense of security.

3. Autonomy: The Urge for Control and Choice

  • The Threat: Feeling micromanaged, having no say in how work is done, or being constantly overruled can stifle motivation and create resentment.
  • The Opportunity for Leaders: Leaders can empower autonomy by:
    • Delegating effectively: Trusting individuals with responsibility and allowing them to own their work.
    • Providing choices and options: Where possible, give team members some control over how they approach tasks or projects.
    • Seeking input and involving others in decision-making: This fosters a sense of ownership and buy-in.
    • Encouraging experimentation and learning from mistakes: Creating a space where individuals feel safe to try new things without fear of punishment.

4. Relatedness: The Need for Connection and Belonging

  • The Threat: Feeling isolated, excluded, or working in an environment devoid of positive social interaction can be demotivating and detrimental to well-being.
  • The Opportunity for Leaders: Leaders can cultivate relatedness by:
    • Building strong teams: Encourage collaboration, communication, and social connections among team members.
    • Fostering an inclusive environment: Ensure everyone feels welcome, respected, and valued for their unique contributions.
    • Promoting empathy and understanding: Encourage team members to connect on a human level and support each other.
    • Creating opportunities for social interaction: This can be through team-building activities, informal gatherings, or simply encouraging open communication.

5. Fairness: The Desire for Justice and Equity

  • The Threat: Perceived unfairness in processes, rewards, or treatment can lead to resentment, distrust, and a breakdown of team cohesion.
  • The Opportunity for Leaders: Leaders can champion fairness by:
    • Establishing clear and transparent processes for decision-making, performance evaluations, and rewards.
    • Applying rules and policies consistently: Avoid favoritism or arbitrary judgments.
    • Actively listening to and addressing concerns about fairness: Create a safe space for individuals to voice their perceptions of injustice.
    • Being open to feedback and willing to make adjustments when unfairness is identified.

The Interplay with Psychological Safety

When leaders consciously address the five domains of the SCARF model, they directly contribute to building a psychologically safe environment. When individuals feel valued (Status), understand expectations (Certainty), have a sense of control (Autonomy), feel connected to their colleagues (Relatedness), and believe the system is just (Fairness), they are far more likely to:

  • Speak up with ideas and suggestions: Knowing their input will be respected and considered.
  • Ask questions without fear of judgment: Feeling safe to admit they don’t know something.
  • Report mistakes or concerns: Trusting that doing so will lead to learning and improvement, not blame.
  • Take risks and innovate: Feeling secure enough to step outside their comfort zone.
  • Engage in open and honest communication: Building trust and stronger relationships.

In Conclusion

The SCARF model provides a powerful lens through which leaders can understand the social dynamics that drive human behavior in the workplace. By consciously considering each of these five domains in their interactions, policies, and decision-making, leaders can actively cultivate psychological safety. This, in turn, unlocks a wealth of benefits, including increased innovation, improved collaboration, enhanced employee well-being, and ultimately, greater organizational success. Leading with SCARF is not just about mitigating threats; it’s about fostering a thriving environment where everyone feels safe, valued, and empowered to contribute their best.

Thanks for joining me. Let’s keep the conversation going. Our future depends on it.

Join the Leadership | Learning | Innovation conversation at sashaphilosophy.com.

Change again? Good grief!

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

How Change is Like Grief

People experience different emotions when faced with change. Change can be viewed as a grieving process of sorts. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief in her seminal work, ‘On Death and Dying’ in 1969.

The five stages include:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance (+ Moving On)

Kubler-Ross described the experiences of terminally ill patients and the psychological stages they go through when coming to terms with their condition. Her work on grieving process can be adapted to help us understand that individuals go through these same stages when faced with any big change, including changes at work.

Different Faces – Different Paces

Different people move through the stages at different speeds, and there may be some overlap between the stages. It is important for leaders to recognize this individual process. A person’s history, the organization’s history, the type of change and the consequence of change also impact an individual’s response to change and movement through the stages.

How Can Leaders Help Throughout The Stages?

Shock / Denial

  • Start communicating that there is a change early on. This minimizes the ‘Shock/Denial’ phase, as people will have begun to see that there is a need for change, even if they are unaware of the form that it will take.
  • When the change initiative is announced, give reasons that reduce complacency and highlight a need for change. Communicate in a way that is clear and touches people emotionally, not just with loads of data. Fully communicate the end vision of the change and what your intentions are.
  • Don’t try too hard to sell people on the idea that things are better for them; they are not ready to hear this.

Anger

  • Practice patience and empathy, and don’t try to suppress conflict. Provide a verbal outlet for people to vent their upset feelings. When leaders provide opportunities for grievances and frustrations to be aired constructively, bitterness and frustration can be diminished.
  • Although people will be angry that doesn’t mean that what they say has no value, they may have legitimate concerns that could affect the success of the change initiative.
  • Remember that  most likely, people are not attacking you personally. Remain calm and patient.
  • Often leaders have been made aware of a change initiative long before their teams, so although they may be at later stages (eg, be at “Acceptance/Moving on” while general staff are still at “Shock/Denial”).  Exercise patience.

Bargaining

When people start trying to bargain, ask them to give the new dispensation a chance. A lot of bargaining is done while people are still angry. Once the anger dissipates, so does much of the bargaining.

Acceptance

  • Help people acknowledge that it is the end of an era, support them in their new roles and encourage them to take responsibility. Set goals with them of which they can take ownership.
  • Continue your role as a sounding board for complaints and questions. Ask ‘How do you feel about this?’ to understand individuals’ emotional state.
  • Begin to stress the benefits of the new situation and how it can work for the individual.
  • If new teams were formed, provide help with group dynamics. People are generally less concerned with the tasks they are given than how they fit into a new group.
  • Plan for some early successes for the change initiative and then communicate them loudly. Once people can see that it is working then they will be less skeptical and more positive about the change.
  • Make sure the necessary resources are available for them to succeed, be it equipment or training or just coaching and guidance.

Moving On

Empower individuals to take the ball and run with it. Let them find ways of using the new set up to create stretch goals and encourage them to push performance.

Let employees innovate and take risks within the new set-up. Let them not only see ways of making the new system work in their favor but put those into practice.

For the individuals who really are taking the ball and running with it, reward them and promote them. Use them to show others what is possible. Having a fellow colleague really driving performance forward using the changes is worth far more than managers telling people things are/will be better. Once people can see it working for a colleague they will be far more receptive to the change.

_______________________________________

Your turn:

What “stage” of change are you leading through right now?

Humility + Iteration = A Leader’s Saving Grace

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

Being likeable will help you in your job, business, relationships, and life. I interviewed dozens of successful business leaders for my last book, to determine what made them so likable and their companies so successful. All of the concepts are simple, and yet, perhaps in the name of revenues or the bottom line, we often lose sight of the simple things – things that not only make us human, but can actually help us become more successful. Below are the eleven most important principles to integrate to become a better leader:

1. Listening

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

Listening is the foundation of any good relationship. Great leaders listen to what their customers and prospects want and need, and they listen to the challenges those customers face. They listen to colleagues and are open to new ideas. They listen to shareholders, investors, and competitors. Here’s why the best CEO’s listen more.

2. Storytelling

“Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today.” -Robert McAfee Brown

After listening, leaders need to tell great stories in order to sell their products, but more important, in order to sell their ideas. Storytelling is what captivates people and drives them to take action. Whether you’re telling a story to one prospect over lunch, a boardroom full of people, or thousands of people through an online video – storytelling wins customers.

3. Authenticity

“I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier.” -Oprah Winfrey

Great leaders are who they say they are, and they have integrity beyond compare. Vulnerability and humility are hallmarks of the authentic leader and create a positive, attractive energy. Customers, employees, and media all want to help an authentic person to succeed. There used to be a divide between one’s public self and private self, but the social internet has blurred that line. Tomorrow’s leaders are transparent about who they are online, merging their personal and professional lives together.

4. Transparency

“As a small businessperson, you have no greater leverage than the truth.” -John Whittier

There is nowhere to hide anymore, and businesspeople who attempt to keep secrets will eventually be exposed. Openness and honesty lead to happier staff and customers and colleagues. More important, transparency makes it a lot easier to sleep at night – unworried about what you said to whom, a happier leader is a more productive one.

5. Team Playing

“Individuals play the game, but teams beat the odds.” -SEAL Team Saying

No matter how small your organization, you interact with others every day. Letting others shine, encouraging innovative ideas, practicing humility, and following other rules for working in teams will help you become a more likeable leader. You’ll need a culture of success within your organization, one that includes out-of-the-box thinking.

6. Responsiveness

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles Swindoll

The best leaders are responsive to their customers, staff, investors, and prospects. Every stakeholder today is a potential viral sparkplug, for better or for worse, and the winning leader is one who recognizes this and insists upon a culture of responsiveness. Whether the communication is email, voice mail, a note or a a tweet, responding shows you care and gives your customers and colleagues a say, allowing them to make a positive impact on the organization.

7. Adaptability

“When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.” -Ben Franklin

There has never been a faster-changing marketplace than the one we live in today. Leaders must be flexible in managing changing opportunities and challenges and nimble enough to pivot at the right moment. Stubbornness is no longer desirable to most organizations. Instead, humility and the willingness to adapt mark a great leader.

8. Passion

“The only way to do great work is to love the work you do.” -Steve Jobs

Those who love what they do don’t have to work a day in their lives. People who are able to bring passion to their business have a remarkable advantage, as that passion is contagious to customers and colleagues alike. Finding and increasing your passion will absolutely affect your bottom line.

9. Surprise and Delight

“A true leader always keeps an element of surprise up his sleeve, which others cannot grasp but which keeps his public excited and breathless.” -Charles de Gaulle

Most people like surprises in their day-to-day lives. Likeable leaders underpromise and overdeliver, assuring that customers and staff are surprised in a positive way. There are a plethora of ways to surprise without spending extra money – a smile, We all like to be delighted — surprise and delight create incredible word-of-mouth marketing opportunities.

10. Simplicity

“Less isn’t more; just enough is more.” -Milton Glaser

The world is more complex than ever before, and yet what customers often respond to best is simplicity — in design, form, and function. Taking complex projects, challenges, and ideas and distilling them to their simplest components allows customers, staff, and other stakeholders to better understand and buy into your vision. We humans all crave simplicity, and so today’s leader must be focused and deliver simplicity.

11. Gratefulness

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” -Gilbert Chesterton

Likeable leaders are ever grateful for the people who contribute to their opportunities and success. Being appreciative and saying thank you to mentors, customers, colleagues, and other stakeholders keeps leaders humble, appreciated, and well received. It also makes you feel great! Donor’s Choose studied the value of a hand-written thank-you note, and actually found donors were 38% more likely to give a 2nd time if they got a hand-written note!

The Golden Rule: Above all else, treat others as you’d like to be treated

By showing others the same courtesy you expect from them, you will gain more respect from coworkers, customers, and business partners. Holding others in high regard demonstrates your company’s likeability and motivates others to work with you. This seems so simple, as do so many of these principles — and yet many people, too concerned with making money or getting by, fail to truly adopt these key concepts.

Which of these principles are most important to you — what makes you likeable?

Empty your cup

/ Susan Hendrich / 1 Comment

Live Beyond You

“What does it mean to “pour into” the lives of your team members? Our responsibility as “beyond you” leaders is not to teach everything, but to share what we do know with those around us and those coming along behind us.” – Andy Stanley

This 6-minute video has a meaningful leadership lesson. As my colleague Margie Craver said, “Just think if everyone thought about “Live beyond You,” everyone would reap greater success!”

Susan Hendrich

Susan Hendrich

Worth the 6 minutes to watch