What are you carrying that nobody at work can see?
We talk a lot about workload. Meetings. Deadlines. Emails. Expectations.
But we don’t talk nearly enough about “the load.” Grief. Caregiving. Health concerns. Financial stress. Relationship strain. Parenting. Uncertainty.
The emotional weight of being the person everyone else turns to.
And leadership can add another layer: you’re carrying your own backpack while people are handing you pieces of theirs.
In this episode of imPERFECT: Better After Broken, executive coach and leadership consultant Jeff Servello PCC, RBLP-T, and clinical psychologist and executive coach Susan Hendrich, PsyD, explore what happens when workload sits on top of everything else we’re carrying.
We talk about the difference between being busy and burdened, the hidden emotional labor of leadership, why capable people often become very good at appearing fine, and how to care about people without absorbing what belongs to them. We also revisit the powerful Cleveland Clinic video, “Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care,” and the reminder behind it: we see people’s behavior, but we rarely know the whole story behind it.
So instead of immediately asking, “What’s wrong with this person?” What if we asked: “What might this person be carrying?” Compassion doesn’t mean lowering standards. Empathy isn’t the absence of accountability.
Understanding someone’s context can change how we enter the conversation while still being clear about what matters. And there’s another person whose load deserves our attention: ourselves. What are you carrying quietly? What has gotten heavier lately? Where might you need support? And what are you pretending is fine that isn’t?
NEW EPISODE: The Invisible Load of Leadership: What You’re Carrying That Nobody Sees.
Is it possible to be more beautiful in the broken places?
Recently, I sent a message to my friend who was struggling, in hopes of lifting her spirits.
My friend had been feeling down. Defeated. Convinced that she wasn’t capable or deserving of success. I knew better, of course. I’ve known her more than half my life. I’ve watched her rise from an aspiring writer to international best selling author. Countless reasons, I could offer, as to why she’s more than capable and perfectly deserving of success. With indignance, I wanted to shout at her, “You’re already successful! Do you know how many people would dream to live your life for even just one day?”
I had really good intentions that day. It was a thrill, in fact, to think that I could be of help to a hero. Here was little old regular me, being asked to Help…Fix…Repair…Heal…this amazing role model of mine, who happened to be struggling. Being able to nurture and support this person who has served as a model of excellence for me for decades. Here was my chance to make a difference!
And the way I chose to help this supersuccessful person to feel better? I denied her feelings. Not a good thing, turns out.
I countered every single negative thought she was having with a reason why she was wrong and “should feel great” or “ought to forgive” herself or “was being too hard” on herself.
Thinking I was helping, actually I was making it worse. I took away her right to suffer. In fact, I teetered on the cusp of shaming her for feeling down.
With all the best intentions, I missed the whole point. She was feeling brokenand needed to let the pieces fallon the floor in front of her.
Realizing that I was making things worse by only focusing on the sunny side and by denying her need to feel broken and fall apart, I suddenly remembered a concept I once heard about the importance of being able to “fall into” pain rather than simply denying it. This concept, I was now remembering, was about honoring and highlighting the broken parts. Drawing attention to the damage, even!
So, what is this radical-acceptance-like process of honoring and even highlighting our failures and broken parts?
It’s called Kintsugi, and it’s a beautiful way of turning damage into beauty.
The Japanese practice of “kintsugi” is the art of embracing damage. Check out this Kintsugi video:
“Now you shall transform to a new level, my friend. Think wabi-sabi and kintsugi: the art of embracing damage!”
Now remembering this concept of being stronger in the broken places, I stopped my barrage of “happy thoughts” and apologized mid-conversation to my friend. I acknowledged that I’d been trying to deny the fact that she felt broken. I was trying to pretend the cracks weren’t there. I told her that I’d suddenly remembered this Japanese art of Kintsugi, and that I would send her a video to illustrate the concept right away. We ended the conversation awkardly, and I seriously questioned whether I knew how to be a good friend.
Pushing past my disappointment in myself, I sent her the Kintsugi video, hoping that she was still open to my support, even after I’d botched and Pollyanna’d my way through our earlier conversation. After I sent the note and video link, I started to question myself.
“Who am I to tell this highly successful and internationally recognized thought leader how to live?”
“Why do I always appoint myself as the ambassador of all that is positive?”
“What if she resents my message and sees it as patronizing?”
There I was, spiraling to all my places in my head where my own brokenness lurks.
Worrying about how my friend might feel after I’d missed the point with her suffering, I was spinning in my own broken parts, thinking…
I’ve spent my whole life embracing the broken, the not quite, and the almost…
Saving birds with broken wings
Fixing toys with broken parts
Cheering for the underdog
Coaching those who don’t yet believe in themselves
Coaxing sunshine from clouds
Just as my negative self-talk was reaching a fervent pitch in my head, the phone rang.
There was my friend, laugh-crying through the phone line, telling me how she finally felt understood. The video just spoke to her. Captured her. She told me how she felt connected to this concept of embracing damage. How she IS kintsugi. How this concept of mending the broken pieces with gold and proudly displaying them was exactly what she’d needed. It was a great moment, and not just because my friend was feeling better or because I’d been able to help her. It was a great moment because she and I were creating Kintsugi in real time. We were piecing back together a set of broken shards of a conversation and making the resulting product even better than when we’d started.
I knew on that day that I would never look at broken pottery in the same way again.
Now, whenever either of us faces a rough patch in life, or when things fall apart altogether, a single word helps us both begin to put the pieces back together and to anticipate an even more beautiful outcome than the original situation could have intended.
Kintsugi.
Embracing the damage. More beautiful in the broken places.
imPERFECT: Better After Broken, with hosts Jeff Servello & Susan Hendrich.
Welcome to the premiere episode of the new radio podcast, imPERFECT: Better After Broken. Join us Sundays at 6 pm ET on Sandcastle Radio, America’s Hottest Online Variety & Music Station.
Hosts Jeff Servello and Dr. Susan Hendrich share raw stories of repair, resilience, and what it takes to rebuild stronger. This is a conversation about breaking, healing, and coming back with more clarity, more courage, and more purpose.
Sometimes the break is the breakthrough. And, your best may still be ahead.
Tony Robbins said, “We do not change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the change itself.” Learn how to prepare for, experiment, make, and sustain meaningful change in your life.
Susan is a dynamic leadership coach, psychologist, and speaker. As host of “Human Being with Dr. Susan,” both in radio and television, she brings energy and experience to the airwaves, exploring what it means to thrive in the modern world.
Susan has a distinguished career guiding high-performing teams and facilitating organizational innovation. Her work focuses on maximizing human potential and creating environments where individuals and teams can succeed.
With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, Susan’s insights are grounded in deep understanding of human behavior and psychology. She has served as a clinical supervisor and faculty coordinator for the nation’s oldest APA-approved psychology training consortium. Susan was an invited speaker at the World Congress on Mental Health. She’s led thousands of leaders to unlock potential through the power of authentic courage.
Susan is an avid photographer, painter, and genealogist.
Hope is an active, learned conviction in one’s ability to influence outcomes, sharing personal experiences and insights.
Hope is essential in leadership and impacts team performance. Hope is not just a personality trait, but a skill that can be developed through practice. There is scientific basis to hope. Neuroplasticity can be harnessed through various practices to cultivate resilience and courage in the face of adversity.
Cultivating Hope
Albert Bandura said that hope is an active, learned conviction in one’s ability to influence outcomes rather than passive wishing. Hopeful people don’t give up when faced with obstacles, but instead seek alternative routes.
Stirring Up Hope Through Leadership
Having hope, setting goals, and maintaining self-belief lead to success. Hope is an active verb, not a passive feeling. You can develop hope through learned habits and multiply it with leadership.
Hope as a Strategic Tool
Hope is a tool for leaders and individuals facing complexity. It’s not optimism or positive thinking, but the belief in one’s ability to shape a future and the creativity to find pathways to achieve goals. When hope is lost, people stop taking purposeful action and become less adaptable. You can learn to recognize and nurture hope as a fundamental force for navigating uncertainty.
Join us at 10 a.m. Eastern on sandcastleradio.org to explore how to stir up hope in your own life.
Listen to Human Being with Dr. Susan every Saturday at 10 am ET on Sandcastle Radio, America’s Hottest Online Variety and Music Station. Follow Susan at / @susanhendrich
Explore the Human Being with Dr. Susan podcast: 13 episodes
