change

Kintsugi: The art of embracing damage.

/ Susan Hendrich / 2 Comments

Is it possible to be more beautiful in the broken places?

Recently, I sent a message to my friend who was struggling, in hopes of lifting her spirits.

My friend had been feeling down. Defeated. Convinced that she wasn’t capable or deserving of success. I knew better, of course. I’ve known her more than half my life. I’ve watched her rise from an aspiring writer to international best selling author. Countless reasons, I could offer, as to why she’s more than capable and perfectly deserving of success.  With indignance, I wanted to shout at her, “You’re already successful! Do you know how many people would dream to live your life for even just one day?”

I had really good intentions that day. It was a thrill, in fact, to think that I could be of help to a hero. Here was little old regular me, being asked to Help…Fix…Repair…Heal…this amazing role model of mine, who happened to be struggling. Being able to nurture and support this person who has served as a model of excellence for me for decades. Here was my chance to make a difference!

And the way I chose to help this supersuccessful person to feel better? I denied her feelings. Not a good thing, turns out.

I countered every single negative thought she was having with a reason why she was wrong and “should feel great” or “ought to forgive” herself or “was being too hard” on herself.

Thinking I was helping, actually I was making it worse. I took away her right to suffer. In fact, I teetered on the cusp of shaming her for feeling down.

With all the best intentions, I missed the whole point. She was feeling broken and needed to let the pieces fall on the floor in front of her.

Realizing that I was making things worse by only focusing on the sunny side and by denying her need to feel broken and fall apart, I suddenly remembered a concept I once heard about the importance of being able to “fall into” pain rather than simply denying it. This concept, I was now remembering, was about honoring and highlighting the broken parts. Drawing attention to the damage, even!

So, what is this radical-acceptance-like process of honoring and even highlighting our failures and broken parts?

It’s called Kintsugi, and it’s a beautiful way of turning damage into beauty.

The Japanese practice of “kintsugi” is the art of embracing damage. Check out this Kintsugi video:

“Now you shall transform to a new level, my friend. Think wabi-sabi and kintsugi: the art of embracing damage!”

Now remembering this concept of being stronger in the broken places, I stopped my barrage of “happy thoughts” and apologized mid-conversation to my friend. I acknowledged that I’d been trying to deny the fact that she felt broken. I was trying to pretend the cracks weren’t there. I told her that I’d suddenly remembered this Japanese art of Kintsugi, and that I would send her a video to illustrate the concept right away. We ended the conversation awkardly, and I seriously questioned whether I knew how to be a good friend.

Pushing past my disappointment in myself, I sent her the Kintsugi video, hoping that she was still open to my support, even after I’d botched and Pollyanna’d my way through our earlier conversation. After I sent the note and video link, I started to question myself.

“Who am I to tell this highly successful and internationally recognized thought leader how to live?”

“Why do I always appoint myself as the ambassador of all that is positive?”

“What if she resents my message and sees it as patronizing?”

There I was, spiraling to all my places in my head where my own brokenness lurks.

Worrying about how my friend might feel after I’d missed the point with her suffering, I was spinning in my own broken parts, thinking…

I’ve spent my whole life embracing the broken, the not quite, and the almost…

  • Saving birds with broken wings
  • Fixing toys with broken parts
  • Cheering for the underdog
  • Coaching those who don’t yet believe in themselves
  • Coaxing sunshine from clouds

Just as my negative self-talk was reaching a fervent pitch in my head, the phone rang.

There was my friend, laugh-crying through the phone line, telling me how she finally felt understood. The video just spoke to her. Captured her. She told me how she felt connected to this concept of embracing damage. How she IS kintsugi. How this concept of mending the broken pieces with gold and proudly displaying them was exactly what she’d needed. It was a great moment, and not just because my friend was feeling better or because I’d been able to help her. It was a great moment because she and I were creating Kintsugi in real time. We were piecing back together a set of broken shards of a conversation and making the resulting product even better than when we’d started.

I knew on that day that I would never look at broken pottery in the same way again.

Now, whenever either of us faces a rough patch in life, or when things fall apart altogether, a single word helps us both begin to put the pieces back together and to anticipate an even more beautiful outcome than the original situation could have intended.

Kintsugi.

Embracing the damage. More beautiful in the broken places.

 

Change Readiness: What does it take to be ready to change?

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

Change Readiness: What does it take to be ready to change?

From Human Being with Dr. Susan – Episode 3: Making Change

Tony Robbins said, “We do not change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the change itself.” Learn how to prepare for, experiment, make, and sustain meaningful change in your life.

Be an early joiner of the new “Human Being with Dr. Susan” Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?…

Join us on Human Being with Dr. Susan, every Saturday at 10 am ET on Sandcastle Radio – America’s Hottest Online Variety and Music Station.

Human Being with Dr. Susan

Susan is a dynamic leadership coach, psychologist, and speaker. As host of “Human Being with Dr. Susan,” both in radio and television, she brings energy and experience to the airwaves, exploring what it means to thrive in the modern world.

Susan has a distinguished career guiding high-performing teams and facilitating organizational innovation. Her work focuses on maximizing human potential and creating environments where individuals and teams can succeed.

With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, Susan’s insights are grounded in deep understanding of human behavior and psychology. She has served as a clinical supervisor and faculty coordinator for the nation’s oldest APA-approved psychology training consortium. Susan was an invited speaker at the World Congress on Mental Health. She’s led thousands of leaders to unlock potential through the power of authentic courage.

Susan is an avid photographer, painter, and genealogist.

Learn more: http://www.sashaphilosophy.com

Agility and the Unlit Candle

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

A story of disruption, resilience, and that unexpected moment when life forces you to pivot into a new version of yourself.

This video previews “Agility” on Human Being with Dr. Susan – Episode 7. Aired 11/21/25 on Sandcastle Radio, America’s Hottest Online Variety and Music Station.

Agility and the Unlit Candle: A Personal Story from My Mom

Here’s a personal story about agility—a story from my mom. It’s a story that lives at the center of my family history—my personal history. Years ago, she wrote it down and titled it “The Unlit Candle.” It’s a story about disruption, resilience, and the unexpected moments when life forces you to pivot into a different version of yourself.

1970: A New Start in Delaware
The year was 1970. My parents were brand new to Delaware—young, hopeful, starting out with a baby girl and a handful of dreams. My mom had left her job at the University of Illinois to care for me. My dad had just started his first role as a chemist at DuPont. That’s why they moved to Wilmington. Money was tight. Life was simple, but it was good. My mom planned my first birthday with absolute joy. She baked a beautiful cake, decorated it with balloons and baby toys, and placed one large candle in the center—unlit, waiting for the moment. Family came in by train. They rented chairs for the living room. It felt like the beginning of something.

The Fire
But the morning of the celebration, just before lunch, my dad said, “Hold up. I smell smoke.” He opened the apartment door, and a wall of thick black smoke poured in. In seconds, my mom grabbed me. Everyone ran out barefoot into the sunlit parking lot, watching as the fire department fought flames pouring out of the lower level. That beautiful cake never got sliced. That candle never got lit. Later that day, once the fire was out, they were allowed back in to salvage what they could. Much was destroyed—clothes, keepsakes, their few newlywed belongings. Even the wire hangers were covered in soot and had to be scrubbed by hand. My parents had no renters’ insurance, no safety net—just each other and a baby with a birthday that never happened.

Aftermath and Unexpected Generosity
My parents relocated us to a motel. My grandmother and my aunt went back home. My mother called her family, embarrassed and overwhelmed. My Aunt Judy got on a plane immediately, traveling from Illinois to help. A local professor’s parents opened their ornate home to my parents and the baby—people they’d never met, because generosity has a way of finding people who need it. Eventually, my parents moved into a small bungalow and then into the home they still live in today. One disruption after another, and yet somehow they kept finding the next right move.

The Lesson My Mom Never Wrote
That’s the part my mom never wrote explicitly—but what the story teaches: agility is born in moments you never asked for. The moments where the plan burns down, literally or figuratively, and you’re left standing in the parking lot with nothing but a baby on your hip and a cake you never got to eat.

The Meaning of the Unlit Candle
The unlit candle became more than a story. It became a truth—a celebration that didn’t happen, plans that got erased, a version of life that didn’t survive the smoke. But also this truth: some candles don’t need to be lit to change your life. That day taught my mother—and eventually me—that agility isn’t a personal trait. It’s a response pattern. A willingness to regroup when you’re exhausted, to pivot when you’re heartbroken, to rebuild when you’ve already rebuilt more times than feels fair. It’s the ability to say, “Okay, this isn’t the story we planned, but it’s the story we’re in, and we’ll write the next chapter from here.”

Glimpses of a New Beginning
The unlit candle reminds me that every disruption contains a glimpse of a new beginning—even if you don’t see it at first, even if it’s wrapped in smoke, even if it costs you more than you thought you could bear. My mom survived that season. My parents built a life from those ashes. They restored what they could. They released what they couldn’t. And they kept moving forward.

What Agility Really Looks Like
That is agility. Not glamorous. Not poetic. Not Instagram-worthy. Just steady, human, persistent movement through uncertainty. And sometimes the most powerful symbol isn’t the candle you light—it’s the candle you never got to. I’m proud of my parents. And I think part of my agility comes from that moment when we lost everything in the fire.

___________________________

Wishing you glimpses of new beginnings, even when your candle remains unlit.

Susan Hendrich, with special thanks to my amazing Mom, Virginia Hertzenberg

__________________

Explore more with Dr. Susan

Dr. Susan’s website: http://www.sashaphilosophy.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ ⁨@susanhendrich⁩ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hendrich/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hendrich/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61584417516967

Turn Challenge into Change

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

https://www.facebook.com/DeTv302/videos/237636618473247/?mibextid=zDhOQc

Turn Challenge into Change: Join ‘Human Being with Dr. Susan’ on DETV Kids!
July 2025

Emotions are a powerful force in our lives, shaping our thoughts, decisions, and actions. As parents, caregivers, and educators, it’s crucial to teach our children the importance of understanding and managing their emotions. One television show segment that beautifully explores this concept is “Human Being with Dr. Susan” on DETV Kids. In this segment, Dr. Susan guides children on a journey of self-reflection, helping them name their feelings and discover the incredible power that comes with understanding and transforming challenges into positive change.

The Power of Reflection

In our fast-paced world, we often overlook the significance of self-reflection. Dr. Susan encourages children to take a moment to pause and consider how they feel. By doing so, they gain the power to understand their emotions better and, consequently, the ability to make informed choices in response to those feelings.

We’ve all experienced moments when our emotions seem overwhelming, leading to tantrums, frustration, or withdrawal. “Human Being with Dr. Susan” offers valuable tools to help children navigate these emotional waters. When we learn to reflect on our feelings, we develop our emotional intelligence, a skill that serves us well throughout our lives.

The Path from Challenge to Change

The central theme of Dr. Susan’s segment is the transformation of challenges into positive change. Life is full of hurdles and obstacles, both big and small. For children, these challenges can be as simple as sharing toys, completing school assignments, or making new friends. Through thoughtful discussion and guided activities, “Human Being with Dr. Susan” empowers kids to view these challenges as opportunities for growth.

Dr. Susan illustrates how understanding their emotions can help children make choices that lead to positive change. Instead of reacting impulsively or giving in to negative emotions, kids learn to channel their feelings into actions that can improve their situation. This crucial life skill helps children build resilience and adaptability.

Invitation to Watch “Human Being with Dr. Susan”

Are you ready to embark on a journey of emotional discovery and transformation with your child? “Human Being with Dr. Susan” on DETV Kids offers a safe and engaging platform for kids to explore their feelings, turn challenges into change, and grow emotionally. By watching the show together, you can facilitate meaningful discussions about emotions and encourage your child to apply these valuable lessons in their daily life.

“Human Being with Dr. Susan” on DETV Kids is a remarkable television show segment that promotes emotional intelligence and resilience in children. Through self-reflection, Dr. Susan empowers kids to understand their feelings, make informed choices, and transform challenges into positive change. By watching the show with your child, you can help them develop these essential life skills and set them on a path towards emotional well-being and personal growth. Don’t miss the opportunity to join Dr. Susan on this journey – tune in to DETV Kids and embark on a voyage of self-discovery and positive change today!

The Pot Roast Principle: Breaking Free from Outdated Traditions

/ Susan Hendrich / Leave a comment

Why do we do certain things in a particular way? We all have routines, traditions, and practices that we follow without much conscious thought. Often, these habits are deeply ingrained, passed down through generations, or simply adopted because, well, that’s just how it’s always been done.

Grandma's Pot Roast

I had an enlightening conversation with a colleague today about recurrent obstacles. Our team was trying to solve a small but frustrating problem that has persisted for more than a year. As a new member of the team, eager to help, I started thinking about ways to solve the problem. All of my ideas centered on how we can do more. (You know, because that’s how we always solve this problem, by doing more.) My colleague asked me a challenging question that changed my perspective altogether: “What if the problem IS the problem?” In other words, why are we trying to solve this problem in the first place? What if the answer is to do less?

This brings to mind a classic tale, often shared in leadership and organizational development circles: The Pot Roast Story. The story goes something like this:

THE POT ROAST STORY

A young woman is preparing a pot roast, and before placing it in the oven, she carefully cuts off both ends of the roast. Her husband, observing this, asks her why she does it. She thinks for a moment and replies, “That’s how my mother always did it.” Intrigued, the husband then asks her mother, who gives the same answer: “That’s how my mother always did it.”

Finally, they decide to ask the grandmother, the original source of the culinary tradition. With a twinkle in her eye, the grandmother explains, “Because my roasting pan was too small!”

A Simple Story with Profound Implications

The pot roast story, while seemingly trivial, offers a powerful metaphor for many aspects of our lives, both personal and professional:

  • Unquestioned Assumptions: How many of our processes, procedures, or even beliefs are based on assumptions that are no longer valid, or perhaps never were? We often operate on “that’s how we’ve always done it” without ever asking “why?”
  • The Power of Tradition: Traditions can be wonderful, offering comfort, connection, and a sense of history. However, when traditions become rigid and unquestioned, they can stifle innovation and prevent us from finding more efficient or effective ways of doing things.
  • The Importance of Curiosity: The husband’s simple question, “Why?”, is the catalyst for uncovering the truth. Curiosity is a vital trait, encouraging us to explore, challenge the status quo, and seek deeper understanding.
  • Adapting to Change: The grandmother’s reason highlights the need to adapt. Her original method was a practical solution to a specific problem (a small pan). Over time, circumstances change, and our methods should evolve accordingly. Are we still cutting off the ends of our “pot roasts” when our “pans” are now much larger?
  • Leadership and Critical Thinking: In a leadership context, this story is a potent reminder to encourage critical thinking within teams. Are we fostering an environment where people feel comfortable asking “why?” Are we regularly reviewing our processes to ensure they are still relevant and efficient?

Breaking Free from the “Pot Roast” Mentality

So, how can we avoid falling into the “pot roast” trap?

  1. Ask “Why?”: Before blindly following a process, take a moment to understand its origin and purpose. Is it still serving its original function?
  2. Challenge the Status Quo: Don’t be afraid to question established norms. Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the best way.
  3. Encourage Inquiry: Foster a culture where curiosity is valued, and asking questions is encouraged, not seen as a challenge.
  4. Embrace Adaptability: Be willing to let go of old methods when new, better solutions emerge.
  5. Seek the “Grandmother’s” Wisdom: Sometimes, the most valuable insights come from those who have been around the longest and understand the historical context. But even then, apply critical thinking to their insights!

The pot roast story is more than just a charming anecdote; it’s a powerful lesson in critical thinking, adaptability, and the importance of questioning the unquestioned. By taking the time to understand the “why” behind our actions, we can unlock greater efficiency, foster innovation, and ensure we’re not just cutting off the ends of our pot roast for no good reason.

What “pot roast” traditions are you ready to examine in your own life or work? Share your thoughts in the comments below.